When You Give An Angel Candy
by AmnesiacAngel
Summary: Human Cas. Dean decides to give Castiel candy... a choice he soon regrets.


"Man, I love Halloween more than a fat kid who loves candy," Dean commented, noisily unwrapping a Twix bar and throwing the golden trash onto the floor of his Impala, where a small mountain was forming.

Sam sighed from the passenger seat. "Dean, at this rate, _you're_ going to become a fat who loves candy."

Dean snorted before shoving the bar of wafer, caramel, and chocolate into his mouth. "As if."

"Dean, judging by your weight, height and physical activity level, your daily calorie intake should be around the 3,200s," Castiel interjected from the backseat, his tone somber and serious. "Any extra calories you absorb form fat to be stored in storage areas, such as your stomach, in case of emergencies."

Glancing in the rearview mirror, Dean waved the angel off with his right hand, the tips of his fingers sticky with chocolate. "I'm not worried about gaining weight. I'm more worried about the fact you know how much I weigh currently. That's creepy, Cas."

Castiel furrowed his eyebrows. "Why?"

"It just is, okay?"

Still not understanding the reason, Castiel opted not to question it. Dean never took the time to explain these things to him anyway. "Very well…"

Dean nodded, his right hand diving back into the slowly diminishing bag of candy. When it remerged, he twisted his arm backwards, offering the Twix to the angel. "Try it, Cas."

"I have no desire to consume sugar," Castiel responded flatly. "No, thank you."

Sam chuckled, twisting his head to grin at the shorter man. "Have you ever tried any type of candy before?"

"I haven't craved confectionaries as of yet," Castiel told him, squinting his eyes. "I'm well aware that glucose does more harm than benefit."

"What, are you a dentist's son now?" Dean questioned, his mouth once again full of chocolate.

Castiel shot him a puzzled look. "No, I am still the son of God."

"Cas, just try it," Dean insisted, grabbing another Twix from the bag and offering it to him. "Just once."

"My answer will be no regardless of the number of times you reiterate the question."

Sighing heavily, Dean suddenly veered off the road, causing Sam to cry out in surprise. Slamming on the breaks, the Impala skidded to a halt. Ignoring a few choice words from Sam, Dean shifted in his seat so he could fully face the angel. His hazel color orbs pierced straight into the other's sapphire ones. "Alright, Cas. Either we sit here all day, or you eat this Twix bar." Raising his eyebrows, Dean dangled a wrapped Twix in front of Castiel's face. "Your choice."

"This is absurd," Castiel declared.

"This is good," promised Dean. "Come on, Cas. Just one little bar. Then we can get on with our lives. Otherwise we hang here."

Sam swiveled around in his seat and offered Castiel an empathetic smile. "He means it. I suggest just eating the candy bar."

Castiel narrowed his eyes at Dean. "I do not understand the importance of me consuming—"

"Just eat it, Cas," Dean cut him off, peeling the wrapper off the Twix bar. "See? I've even opened it for you. Here you go, little guy," he cooed, as if talking to a baby, shoving the bar closer to the other man's face.

Sighing, Castiel took the candy gingerly with his index finger and thumb. The baby jokes were really starting to irritate him. After all, he was just about as old as Earth herself. But still… if Dean wanted him to… "I will eat this if it will give you pleasure, Dean."

Now it was Sam's turn to snort. Annoyed, Dean leaned over and shoved him. "Oh, shut up."

After hesitating a split-second more, Castiel placed the morsel into his mouth. Immediately every sensor on his tongue burst into pleasure. Shock crossed his face, the surprisingly pleasant taste catching him off guard. He no longer questioned Dean's continuous habit of eating the delicious confectionary. Chewing slowly, he savored every last bit of it. Sure, he'd been basically human for about a month now, but he'd never tasted something so wonderful.

Dean didn't even have to ask if Castiel enjoyed it or not. The answer was all over the angel's face. "Not so bad is it?"

"May I have another?" Castiel asked politely when he'd finished the first.

Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "What about all that harm?"

"Two is not going to be detrimental to anything," he responded offhandedly, holding out his hand. "Dean."

"Since I'm a nice guy, I'll give you another, but that's it. Remember, I paid for these."

"With a credit card scam," Sam pointed out.

"Which is some hard work, Sammy," Dean informed him while tossing Castiel another Twix bar. "Now let's head to a hotel and set up camp for the night."

As Dean drove back onto the main road, Castiel finished off his Twix, left craving more. Little did Dean know, he had unleashed a beast whom could not be tamed. Though, Castiel knew better than to touch Dean's candy. What was Dean's, was Dean's. He'd learned that the hard way. Still, he would find a way to consume more candy. After all, it was Halloween…

Six hours later, Dean was lying on a trashy motel bed, gazing blankly at the television where the news was playing. Sam sat at the desk in the corner, searching for a gig on his laptop. So far, nothing had come up. Groaning out loud, Dean sat up a little. "Where did Cas say he was going? He left like an hour ago!"

"He didn't. Why do you care?"

Crossing his arms, Dean scowled. "I don't." Which wasn't a complete lie. Castiel could do whatever he wanted… Dean was just bored, and he wanted someone to annoy. Sam had long since given up attempting to have conversations with his brother when Dean was bored.

"Castiel," Dean began loudly. "Where the hell are you?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Dean, he's not an angel anymore, he won't be able to hear your prayers—"

Just then, the door swung open, and there entered Castiel.

Or at least what Sam and Dean _thought_ was Castiel.

"Um, Cas…?" Sam began, slowly pushing himself up from his chair.

The once-angel staggered into the motel room, nearly slamming the door shut. His head was down, a strangled groan escaping his lips. "Dean…"

Dean was on his feet at once, hurrying over to his friend and throwing an arm over his shoulder for support. "Cas, what's wrong? Did someone attack you? 'Cause if they did, I swear—"

"No," Castiel moaned, allowing Dean to lead him over to the empty motel bed. "I…"

"You what?" Dean demanded.

"Dean… _Dean_," Sam repeated, his voice sounding half-urgent, half-amused. "Dean, the T.V…"

Annoyed, Dean turned to bark at his brother that Castiel's mysterious sickness was more important than the damned T.V, but what he saw on the electronic killed the words in his throat.

There, on channel four, stood Castiel.

Stealing candy from children.

Literally.

The ex-angel looked terrifying. Without mercy, he snatched pumpkin container full of candy after pumpkin container, storing whatever contents inside somewhere in his trench cloak. The thing was a damn mystery. There definitely was _not_ enough pockets in that article of clothing to store all those goodies. But that wasn't the point. The point was Castiel being _filmed_ stealing candy from little children.

"Cas," Sam groaned, watching as a wild-eyed Castiel punched the newscaster in the face as he attempted to stop the fallen angel.

The only response received was another moan.

Reaching for the remote, Dean shut off the television, shaking his head. Part of him wanted to laugh, while the other part wanted to punch Cas in the face. "Cas…"

"What?" Cas muttered, raising his head for the first time.

What Dean saw sent him into a fit of laughter. Chocolate was smeared all over Castiel's face, reminding him, once again, of a child. "You're such a kid," he chuckled.

Narrowing his eyes, Castiel glowered at Dean. "Surely you are intelligent enough to realize I am indeed _not_ a young goat."

"What?" Dean responded, confused.

Sam rubbed a hand over his face. "Cas, exactly how much candy did you eat?"

"Approximately four pounds."

"Well, now we know what's wrong with you, huh big boy?" Dean commented with a smirk, patting Castiel's leg. "Our little baby has gotten a tummy ache."

Ignoring Dean's teasing, Sam frowned at Castiel. "What happened out there, Cas?"

"My cravings became too much," he muttered, resting a hand over his stomach. "Humans are… easily tempted. Perhaps Jimmy had acquired an appetite for confectionaries as he had for red meat during his lifetime and Dean's earlier treat set it off."

Sam frowned at his brother. "What?" Dean snapped, crossing his arms. "It's not like I told Cas to go steal from babies."

"Why didn't you just go buy some from the store?" Sam demanded. "Or ask us?"

"This was more expeditious. However, I regret my actions… it seems too much glucose does not have a desirable effect."

Dean snorted. "You think? You're lucky the police weren't called, Cas."

"The authorities were informed."

"What?"

"What did you tell them?" Sam asked, shooting Dean a worried glance.

Castiel sat up a little straighter, suddenly looking proud. The corners of his lips curved up slightly— the closest thing he had to a smile. "After observing you two handle situations such as that, I came to the conclusion that it was both simple and effective."

"Which is…?" Sam prompted.

"I, uh, heh," Castiel began, letting out his short, almost-laugh. "As you would say, I," he raised his hands to make air quotes, "knocked the two officers into tomorrow."

Sam's eyes widened. "You what?"

Castiel tilted his head to the side questioning. "That's the phrase, isn't it?"

"First of all, we don't say that," Dean informed the ex-angel, "and second of all, you punched the lights out of two cops just for _candy?_"

Squinting his eyes again, Castiel nodded. "Yes. Is there a cure to this illness?"

"You're an idiot."

"I don't understand—"

"No more candy for you," Dean interjected, shaking his head. "Jesus, Cas. You can't go around knocking out cops. You're human now. You get thrown in jail, your feathery ass stays there until Sam and I can scrounge enough money to get it out."

Castiel frowned. As much as he wanted to argue, Dean was very dictatorial. And he knew he would never disobey his charge. "Very well… I suppose that is for the best. Though, if that's the case then, Dean?"

"What?"

"You may have the confectionaries I have placed in the car."

For some reason, a sense of foreboding washed over Dean. Snatching his keys off the motel's desk, he hurried out to his baby. With each step, a new wave of terror washed over him. When his vehicle came into view, he relaxed the tiniest bit. From the outside, nothing seemed harm. However, it could be a very different story on the inside. Holding his breath, Dean unlocked the car door, and pulled it open.

Immediately a river of candy began to spill out from it. The car was literally filled to the roof with goodies. Dean's jaw dropped. "_CAS!_"


End file.
